missing freighter dialogue rework

[An Ning]

For missions where the conversation is integral, I think they should really try to have the writing stand out.

In this mission in particular the pressed freighter crews don't seem hesitant or reluctant to be in their position, and the dialogue comes off as clunky and forced. I have a suggested rescript of the conversation and options I will put in below (replies with a * result in the same action as the reply above, just worded differently for flavor, the number in parenthesis after an answer show which dialogue is the result of the answer):

 

part 1

dialogue 1:
Sorry, but... if.. .if you want to live.. then surrender your ship and.. come with us.. now!

answer: Come with you where? (2)
answer: I do have another option (6)
*answer: I was just thinking of doing some target practice.. and now I have volunteers
answer: You must be behind the missing freighters! (3)
*answer: I could just fight you. I've beaten pirates before
*answer: What kind of pirate says "sorry" when threatening someone?

 

dialogue 2:
To the base.. you'll have to.. become a pirate like us

answer: I'll never be a pirate! (6)
*answer: I think I'll just destroy your ships instead
answer: You don't seem like pirate masterminds, here (3)
*answer: Is there something else going on here?
*answer: Look, if you want to live, you pirates had better start talking

 

Dialogue 3:
We're not pirates by choice! Our freighters were ambushed and we were captured! We were told that if we didn't do as they said, they'd go after our families!

answer: They? (4)
*answer: Who are these scumbags?
answer: Not buying it. Nice try, outlaws. (6)
*answer: You should have sold books instead of sacking ships. You'd have lived longer

 

Dialogue 4:
The pirates based in sector (insert). They're the ones behind it all!

answer: There's plenty of you here. Why didn't you ever fight? (5)
*answer: And you guys never fought them?
answer: That doesn't justify what you did! You will answer for your crimes! (6)
*answer: At the end of the day you still became pirates. And guess what I do to pirates

 

Dialogue 5:
We had to do as they said!  They have a huge number of ships, with all the people they've forced to join them, we'd never stand a chance resisting! And if we tried and failed, they'd go after our families after killing us!

answer:  I will stop them myself, then (7)
*answer: I'll deal with them. But if I ever see you guys plundering again, there will be no mercy
*answer: Sounds like a fun place. I'll head over there and take 'em out

 

Dialogue 6:
What? You.. you are outnumbered! Quickly! Attack!

 

Dialogue 7:
Thank you so much! We can go back to our families and jobs safely!

 

 

part 2

dialogue 1:
What are you doing here?

answer: I heard you were pressing freighter crews to fight as your pirates. I'm here to put a stop to it (2)
*answer: I just dropped by to destroy every ship and facility you have
*answer: Criminal scum! I am here to end your days of terrorizing the innocent!
*answer: I was hired to find out why some freighters had gone missing... oh.. and also to kill the ones responsible for it

 

dialogue 2:
Hahahaha! You are welcome to try! All ships! Attack!

Edited March 29, 2021 by An Ning
made some small alterations so that answers and replies lined up more sensibly