1. SE is screwin up my PC too. On planets i have like 20 FPS max. Here I have always at least 30FPS, most of the time 50-60FPS.
2. Never encountered any crash here, nor bugs that makes game unplayable. I play on single player only. Some guys who checked multi are reporting on forum poor net code optimization.
3. Yup ya can change grid size etc. Also there is axis mirroring so your ships doesnt have to look like crap. And an awesome feature which allows you to easily copy-paste parts of your ship.
4. I strongly suggest that you test it first with a free demo available here: https://www.avorion.net/demo/. It have only one type of resource available but you can test that building mode which is great imo. (A lot easier and faster comparing to SE which you mentioned).